I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
