Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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