we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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