Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Randomize
