my being single is dangerous.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
