Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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