drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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