I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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