I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
