i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
