at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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