Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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