this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
