Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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