Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
