Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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