I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
