He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
