dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
