you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
