and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I pour the whiskey from now on
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
