Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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