do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
this is an emotional support booty call
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