you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
