i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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