is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
