two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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