I wannas sexs uuuuu
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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