Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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