Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
