woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
