i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
