Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
