my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
