Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
