I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize