what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
