you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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