i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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