This girl is more easily done than said...
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
