I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
