she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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