dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
