You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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