I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
