youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
