I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
