I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
