So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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