am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
