talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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