he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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