my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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