she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
