Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
