Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
