We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
