As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
