Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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