You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
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