sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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