I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
