Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
