Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
