I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
