maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
BRING THE BAGELS
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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