You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
