I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
