bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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