So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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