So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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