I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
