I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
