I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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