I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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